Low ABVs

The Bunker: Low ABVs

Here you will find all the links to all of the Patreon exclusive Low ABV episodes. If you’re a donor, you’ll be able to access them. If not, donate now and get access!

Low ABV 147 – Everything Eventually

This hazy pale from Hacienda out of Door County (and soon to be Milwaukee) is a love letter to Citra hops. We talk about the MKE beer scene, Ryan shares his least favorite question set-up, Craig the Tech Genius helps us keep our dongles in order, and we fear the Flagship February blowback. This is one of our drunkest recordings. It’s a real First Person Craiger.

Low ABV 146 – Permastank

We’re just Murphin’ around on this one with a DDH DIPA from Transient, and we’re sauced from the beginning so the stream-of-consciousness verbal foolishness is more than usual. We revisit our baseball walk-up songs, examine Craig’s extreme tats, and consider aloe as the ultimate value add.

Low ABV 145 – Going In Circles

This beer is a collaboration between Mikerphone and Bearded Iris, a Sour DIPA with peach puree, peach rings, and lactose. It’s surprisingly good. We do a dumb thing with predictive text, reflect on a mixed bag of experiences from these breweries, then just kind of talk about Jewel and pop for a while. You know, going in circles, and whatnot.

Low ABV 144 – CBD Pilsner

Certainly the first we’ve had of its kind, this pilsner from Untitled Art features 5 milligrams of CBD – a dose that barely registers as having an effect on most users. But Craig is not most users. Find out what we think about the beer while Craig rides the magic schoolbus. We also talk a lot about vanity license plates and why all 311 songs go to heaven.

Low ABV 143 – For The Helles Of It

Light on flavor but heavy on content, this Low pairs two very different Helles lagers – one from Dovetail, and another from Sierra Nevada. We try to develop the perfect consumption triangle, wrangle a cadre of goofballs, examine our dangling participles, create the next great action franchise, and praise the most practical Cenobite. We also play another round of our new hit game, Stumptappd! (Patent pending.)

Low ABV 142 – Dancing Gnome Dead Sleep

We have a can of a chocolate stout from new-to-the-show Dancing Gnome Brewery out of Pittsburgh, and like, you know what they say about first impressions? Well this one isn’t good. But that’s okay because this Low is an instant classic in the ABV canon, asking critical questions about 311 (just days before the big holiday) and introducing our new Japanese/Goth fusion restaurant, Sushi and the BansheesⓇ. We also invent the most niche Calvin peeing sticker and have a few SkaSnacks.

Low ABV 141 – Rolling Meadows ILL IPA

Courtesy of a mysterious box from Good Beer Hunting, we taste this (newly-anointed) farm brewery’s take on an IPA, Done the Illinois WayⓇ. Can Illinois develop its own unique IPA designation? It’s looking doubtful. But we also talk about the worst infomercial, become lawn chair poppin’ daddies, and market to the computer-owner demographic.

Low ABV 140 – Cherry Stems

Another set of regrettable decisions (recording after a drunken show, the choice of beers) leads to this Low ABV’s creation. We try two cast-offs from our Cherry On Tap show: Anderson Valley’s Cherry Gose and Lagunitas’ Cherry Jane. We also embrace our evolution into a retro gaming podcast, do some ball hoardin’, and explain how milkshakes have replaced my Sucks.

Low ABV 139 – Brickstone Milkshake IPA

Here at ABV Chicago Inc., we strive to bring you better takes than the lazy, curmudgeonly fare offered up on Beer Twitter whenever a trendy new IPA style is mentioned. Though naturally a bit skeptical at first, we always want to try a breadth of offerings on a style before being dismissive. And we have now tried many Milkshake IPAs, including this one from Brickstone with pineapple, mango, vanilla, and lactose. It’s time to get dismissive. Neither of us are eager to be the defender of this style, and this beer doesn’t help. So instead, listen to this because Craig makes an important Girl Scout cookie discovery, Ryan outlines his plans to officially befriend Christopher Cross, and there’s a game about music conspiracy theories.

Low ABV 138 – Ninja vs. Unicorn vs. Ninja vs. Unicorn vs. The Haze

We close out #FlagshipFebruary with a revisit to Pipeworks’ nü-classic DIPA and then bring in the haze for a little showdown. Who will emerge victorious?!? You will NOT be shocked. Also, Ryan’s brain is poisoned by 90s Spotify, Craig gets caught up in the classicness, we flip through the late night infomercials, time those barrel blasts in DK3, and smoke a goddamned lizard. Fat boy, wait ‘til tomorrow.

Low ABV 137 – Beer Cocktails

We’re going to need Men In Black-era Will Smith to erase all of our memories after this drunken disaster of a Low ABV. So after a whole night of drinking wine, beer, and liquor, we took it a step further and tried our hands at mixing up some beer cocktails using some Herbalist Gin and Rye Whiskey from Wisconsin’s Great Northern Distilling. Find out how at least one of us made a successful beer mixed drink from this Chopped basket of ingredients: Chambord, lemon juice, ginger beer, New Glarus Wisconsin Belgian Red, Lost 40 Baltic Porter, Sierra Nevada Hop Bullet, New Holland Passion Blaster, clove, ginger, Bing cherry sauce, and pickle juice. Seriously, we’re okay if you just forget this one happened.

Low ABV 136 – QDH Big Pulpy

To celebrate their 4th anniversary, the hazemaztersⓇ at Maplewood made a quadruple dry-hopped version of their juicebomb double IPA. When you have more hops than liquid in the tank, how long until we’re drinking straight hop syrup or chipping away at some hop glass? We also talk about the levels of dry-hopping, how to streamline the show, and the best new mashup album idea. Big Yankee Style.

Low ABV 135 – Dragon Banana

After the release of Proprietor’s Bourbon County in 2017, we all expectantly awaited the barrel-aged banana stout craze to take over the nation. And after all that, what we got was…..this atrocity? New Holland dropped this vile liquid into bottles a few months back, and after a whole night of drinking, we sip upon this liquid Laffy Taffy until we just can’t. So instead, we seize upon the dragons theme and get into a trivia game with Game of Thrones characters, which Ryan knows nothing about! Meet Craigery Slunder the Knight, and his far better counterpart, Kreg TightTunic. We also try to spell names as weird as we can, and there’s a whole bit about songs we’re slutty for that may surprise you.

Low ABV 134 – Barrel Theory This Isn’t Even My Final Form

Here’s a theory for you: your beer name is too long for something that’s just so-so.  Expect some more scorching-hot takes like that one on this SCANDALOUS new Low ABV where we drink some hazy pale ale from a fat crowler of disappointment. We plan our escape and get some travel advice from Will Smith, contract a nasty Sty Stallone, swing on down to the Orifice Depot, and jump in early on the Creamy Wilds craze. Shit, I just thought of another celebrity that sorta rhymes with home: Raven Symone.

Low ABV 133 – Pipeworks Speed of Sound

This double dry-hopped oat IPA reaffirms Ryan’s assertion that Pipeworks is ready to snatch that hazy crown for Chicago in 2019, but it also brings out the music in us. Almost everything not beer-related on this Low is music-related, including an AMA about one of this decade’s most important soundtracks, and then there’s a bad lyrics game that pits Coldplay against new U2, because we’re edgy like that. Save us, RefuJesus!

Low ABV 132 – Kinslahger Baltic Porter

Ahoy! We set sail on a tiring nautical theme as we drink the heavenly Baltic Porter from Oak Park’s lagermeisters at Kinslahger. It’s a silky dream of a beer and everyone should drink it. Now that the review has been spoiled, know that, for some reason, this whole thing just kind of nosedives into two children saying “poop,” so we’re sorry about that. But we do play another round of StumptappdⓇ™ on nautical-themed beers, and we obsess a little on Coke-blending.

Low ABV 131 – Afterthought Saison Avec Lemons

Ho hum – yet another Afterthought beer, and yet another classic saison with a twist that outshines the rest. It’s almost like we should actually do a whole Afterthought show sometime, right?? Well this Low also includes another confusing journey with Craig through the grocery aisles, and Ryan explains why he’s always IBS. There’s a game about Santana collaborations, and we hope for a P.O.D Pod to drop on our lawns soon. Have a Migo, or two, and stay awhile!

Low ABV 130 – Abnormal Hazy Dreams

To kick off a night of California beers, we open this hazy IPA and attempt to cram ten pounds of fun into a five pound Low ABV bag. We consider great straightforward t-shirts, lament the loss of our freaky Tumblr accounts, fortify our plan to protect DeviantArt, consider Sonic’s dick, misquote Eleanor Roosevelt, expand a few lawsuits, invent the worst diapers, and sip on Gene’s Weird Beers. What even is this show anymore? Thanks for donating in 2018 – we’ll keep pumping out the good stuff in 2019!

Low ABV 129 – Christmas Leftovers

We’re further breaking down the Bitter Pops Advent Calendar for parts, as we pull out three Christmas Ales for review, and they are all wildly different: Anchor’s Merry Xmas and Happy New Year (2018), Bell’s Christmas Ale, and Begyle’s Christmas Ale. This stocking is fully stuffed, as we also talk about inspirational mountains, Abysses’ Day, how there are only 50 trees, and Slim Goodbody’s Thin Christmas. And what’s that sizable lump tumbling out of the toe? It’s round two of our new favorite game, Stumptappd, and the subject is Christmas beers! Thanks for the Snackwells, dick.

Low ABV 128 – Lagunitas Hoppy Sparking Water

In a move that we’re pretty sure nobody on Earth asked for, Lagunitas has rolled out 4-packs of a hopped-up alcohol-free sparkling water drink that claims to be made with hops and yeast. It’s wonderfully weird and leaves us mystified as to how the hell this thing is made. Also, Ryan finally announces where he’s going to be taking his teeth after a rumor-filled offseason, we seek out a tiny coolship, and we reach out to Tony, Tony!, and Toný.

Low ABV 127 – God Damn Fudge & Coconut Pigeons

Spiteful’s God Damn Pigeon Porter is a gem of a beer in its original form, but with a release of a mixed 4-pack of adjunct-assisted variants, we had to put some to the tasting test. On this one, we try the Chocolate Fudge and Coconut variations. We also talk about the terrifying implications of rideshare scooters and play a game to address our Zydeco blindspots. Where da coconat?

Low ABV 126 – New Glory Citra Dream

It’s another hazy beer, and another brewery with a name that is almost a thing already, especially if you’re into bad turn-of-the-century pop punk. We play an obvious game based on that reference; we struggle to remember forgettable bands; we shower in colors; we reveal the origin of Stumptappd; and we find the worst worst beer name. All in about 17 minutes.

Low ABV 125 – Revolution Heroes, Issue 5


In the latest “issue” of the Revolution Heroes series, there are two new additions: El Dorado and Cashmere. But a surprising new Hero also hit the shelves separately: Brut Hero. We assemble all these heroes and size them up in our usual way. But we also introduce our new hit game, Stumptappd (name under construction) where we see if we can outwit brewers’ by coming up with original beer names based on a style. This round’s feature is the Brut IPA! We also talk about when cynicism starts, the difference between Mac and Me and Roger and Me, and how we were weirded out by a particular brewer/inventor of a certain style…

Low ABV 124 – pFriem Flanders

Hold on. First of all, everyone cool? We cool? Everyone good? OK. We pluck the last liquid delight from our pFriem box for this Low, and it’s a Flanders-style Red that is in line with what you’d expect pfrom the brewery with a pfunny name. But we also recap our very different Black Friday experiences, talk about how UB40 swears perverted our young brains, and play a game based on toy fads of yesteryear, so there’s your heaving helping of nostalgia for this one.

Low ABV 123 – Tired Hands PurPec

Listed as an “Oak-fermented mulberry ale” (as if that were a thing), this sour from a collaboration between Tired Hands and Forest + Main divides us more than it excites us, but we drank it anyways and recorded ourselves talking! But we also try to figure out exactly how one loses part of their finger in an Uber; we become swayed by odd powers of suggestion; and we wonder aloud about where the hell Heavy Gem went.

Low ABV 122 – SciPAs

What we have on this Low ABV is pretty amazing, on a few fronts. For one, we are drinking two beers that utilize Arcane Distilling’s vacuum-distilled hop oils: Pipeworks’ Unicorn Vs. Science IPA and Hop Butcher for the World’s Traveling Scientist Pale Ale. Secondly, we very organically give birth to LARPing for Pizza, our new favorite thing we’ve imagined. There’s also the (dreaded) return of the Bathroom Boys, some odd hop initial blends, and a solid minute of Dan Grzeca art appreciation.

Low ABV 121 – Juice Medals

Is it the juice or is it no juice?!? Whatever it is, it’s a medal winner. We drink two hazy IPAs that won medals at this year’s GABF for their JuicyHazy style: from Chicago, it’s Alarmist’s Le Jus (Gold in Juicy or Hazy IPA) and from California, it’s Alvarado Street’s Contains No Juice (Bronze in Juicy or Hazy Imperial IPA). We pitch a way to use political pettiness for small positive change, talk CostCo staples, fix that glycol chiller, palm mute, blow our asses straight through our chairs, and indulge in some light FoBAB nostalgia. But don’t listen to this until you go vote. Seriously. We can wait.

Low ABV 120 – Cake & Pie IPAs

We all saw Pastry IPAs becoming a thing, right? Well here we are drinking a Southern Grist Strawberry Upside Down Cake IPA (thanks to Matt Millam!) and an Alarmist  Cherry Pie Hopper Pie-PA. One works very well, and one is a bit of a letdown. We also go over some Improv 101, take a Pie Personality test, and talk sports instructional songs along with the long dreamt-of collabo between John Fogerty and Tom Emanski.

Low ABV 119 – Crane Tea Weisse

Over the summer, longtime supporter and Patron Don Kasak hooked us up with a beer from Crane Brewing out of Missouri, and we were excited to check out more from this brewery we’ve heard so much about. Too bad this beer seems to have a tart grudge against us, as things went south fast. We also talk about butt checking, Barry Royboss, cootie catchers, and the – uh – potential challenges navigating the new GABF layout? (This was recorded in July.)

Low ABV 118 – Pumpkin Runoff

As a companion to a forthcoming show on that trendy style everyone is talking about (if this were 5 years ago), we drink two more pumpkin beers – which has to be some sort of a record. We taste Blue Moon’s Harvest Pumpkin Wheat and New Belgium’s Atomic Pumpkin Voodoo something-or-other. They both suck in unique ways. We get some more #dogtales out of Craig, argue over what actually constitutes pumpkin flavor, consider our harvest sacrifice, and meet the awful dog-skeleton-man called the “Voodoo Ranger.”

Low ABV 117 – New Glarus Imperial Weizen and Wild Sour Ale 2018

We saved the wettest, wildest, hottest GABF takes for this Low ABV in this Too Hot for Podcast! Edition, fueled by two more excellent new Thumbprint series releases from New Glarus. We don’t exactly make good on all that promise, but both of these beers are amazing in their own way. We talk about pocket chips, scooter tricks, flat bananas, heavy elbows, and a memorable pizza order thanks to Denver being Denver. We’ll try to do better on our FoBAB Confessions Low ABV, set to drop in late November.

Low ABV 116 – Will It Blend? Piña Colada Edition

Call this the “pilot episode” for an ongoing Low ABV experimental series. We take two beers – Windmill Brewing’s Fakie (New England-style Session IPA w/ pineapple) and Hop Butcher’s Watch for Falling Coconuts (Pale ale w/ coconut) – review them separately and see if we can create a piña colada beer by blending them. Then it emboldens us to take two more beers – Two Brothers’ Pahoehoe (Coconut blonde ale, 1+ year old can) and Two Hat’s Pineapple (discontinued light lager w/ “natural pineapple flavor”) – and see what horrors abound. There’s also a ton more, including Ryan’s grief over the Dance Time Boys, some hop rubbing ASMR, and a timid pineapple man. Will. It. Blend??

Low ABV 115 – 5 Rabbit Cacao

Put on your most distracting facial accoutrements and get ready to anté up at the table that we call Cacao. Thanks to Patron and friend Randy, we have a big and chocolatey offering from 5 Rabbit, and we’re drunk before we even open it. So we talk about board games on TV, whether or not Craig knows what quinoa is, and then there’s some Dorf trivia that takes an odd turn. As it should.

Low ABV 114 – Tree House Hurricane

As their newest addition to a rotating year-round lineup, Tree House’s Hurricane builds upon their style-inventing juicy and hazy IPA foundation by bringing a sizable hop wallop from Citra and Simcoe. This Low also has some notable diversions that include Ryan’s harrowing spider stories, Craig and a trunkful of beer, some College F*ckParty Juice, and a few bootleg Air Bart shirts.

Low ABV 113 – New Glarus Champ du Blanc

Part of the 2016 R&D releases, this barrel-aged sour ale with Chardonnay grapes is New Glarus at their absolute best. I wish I could say the same for us! (*slide whistle*) We talk about Footloose-ing some awful block parties, wonder if it’s candy or hard seltzer, and make Craig be Michael Strahan. There’s also a game Craig calls the $100,000 Craft Beer Pyramid, and we do more anagrams of Patrons’ names.

Low ABV 112 – Belgian Beer Blending Battle

Recorded after a night of drinking Belgian sours, we decided to spit in the face of artful tradition and take these masterfully-crafted beers and slosh them together into some glasses to try and make the most interesting blends that we can. And if that doesn’t already sound like the drunkest thing we’ve ever done (and it is), Ryan throws in an element of chaos courtesy of one of the worst beers of the year. We also talk about hot, ripped brewer bods – I’m looking at you, Joe Short. 

Low ABV 111 – Working Draft Future Tense

Possibly the first Brut IPA made in Wisconsin – a prestigious designation, no doubt – this beer from Working Draft has us continuing to question everything we know about this new “style” like whether or not there’s any sort of baseline, or why half of them are really bad, or what about the shelf life?? There’s also a few minutes of an interview with Clint Lohman of Working Draft about this very beer, and some other stuff as well. We also go on a tangent about live music, the confusing impact of Herbal Essences on a pre-teen, and the new knowledge that Craig has never bought grapes. Again with The Bollweevils?

Low ABV 110 – 450 North Pixel Bomb

Though they might be better known for their hazy Triple IPAs or their over-fruited Berliner-styles, the folks from Indiana’s 450 North can crank out a damn solid pale ale as well. We drink that, and we attempt to find profundity in the mundane struggles of two guys who have no real things to complain about. (Wait, did I just describe every podcast ever made?) Ryan talks a bit about disappointing Indiana distribution, we invoke Billy Mitchell again, and Craig explains why 450 is, and I quote, “like Hill Farmstead.” Whoa-oh, clickbait alert!

Low ABV 109 – Hubbard’s Cave Fresh IIPA V18

Described in a Facebook post as something of a tribute to Pliny the Elder, this beer utilizes the same hop bill as the original Double IPA but jazzes it up with that newfangled haze. We experience Actual Bitterness and Challenging Dankness (Must Love Dank) and just dang appreciate those elder American hops. Also, Craig tries (and fails) to start the next exhausting Die Hard-style movie debate, and Ryan puts on the Beer Carnac hat for another round of our second or third favorite reoccuring game segment on the show. And anagrams!

Low ABV 108 – Haizon

This convergence of styles born from the collaboration from Central State and Transient has us getting extra philosophical with a new question meant to inspire a zen-like trance. We measure the degradation of culture through the evolution of rafts then discuss superfluous collaborations and shitty pop-up bars. We also bid on some items in the Baderbrau auction, and continue our anagram tribute to our Patrons.

Low ABV 107 – Yueng N’ Sam

It’s a simple concept: two old breweries with two new beers that we attempt to crush from the cans. But it gets much longer than that, as we kick off another “Low ABV Game Night” series with this one, and Craig tries his hand at a little timeline challenge. There’s also a failed can experiment, licking the hourglass ridge, an extreme free-climbing movie, superior can design, and a Nacho Fries web of lies. We also anagram some of your names, so check it out!

Low ABV 106 – Southern Grist Hoppy Timbs

Everybody diversify now! On this jam-packed shortie, we check out an ass-kicking DIPA from the rapidly growing Nashville brewery, Southern Grist. Craig waxes on about flipping the IPA discussion, but then has a little mustache trouble. We also talk about the problem of being both a mixologist and DJ at the same time, our solution to naming hazy beers, and a potential chopped and screwed episode. Thanks to Matt for the beer!

Low ABV 105 – Very Short Fuse & Tavern Cut

We have two sides of the NE-style coin on this one, as the first beer is cut, ahem, short as it is obviously a mistake. But the second beer, like a fine square of pizza, makes us reach for more. See if you can guess which beer is which! We make some math-enhanced movie pitches, smell stinky dog juice, find ourselves in some weird time bubbles, and fear the presence of ghost hops.

Low ABV 104 – New Glarus Murder Tag

You’re it! In this cellared Low ABV (recorded back in March), we drink two very different New Glarus beers featuring cherries – Enigma, an oak-aged sour with cherries and Cherry Stout. This drunken mini-sode is an untethered, careening rail car of diversions, including weird kids videos, transcribing our podcast, us at 1.5x speed, good old Joey Cigarettey, what life was like before podcasts, and the gory new horror thriller we’re working on: Murder Tag.

Low ABV 103 – Shared Shaeson

Another one from the side project of Side Project, this tart saison features lavender and lemon and all the summer feelings. It’s lovely. (Thanks Don Kasak!) But we also talk about oddly specific cartoon fantasies (not like that, you perv), share some St. Louis memories, and try to establish an incredible line of idiotic gag gifts.

Low ABV 102 – Hubbard’s Cave/Pulpit Rock Samarbeid

This collaboration – a Double IPA with passionfruit – made by one of our favorite Illinois breweries and an up-and-comer from Iowa might be the secret answer to the great sour IPA question. We also have some super relevant, extra hot takes on….Goldfinger and Breaking Bad, all while unlocking the mystery of BDSM.

Low ABV 101 – Sierra Nevada & Weihenstephaner Braupakt

With a combined 1,016 years of brewing experience between them, is it any surprise that the result of this dream collaboration would turn out excellent? We drink this killer hefeweizen while getting totally BRO’D OUT. We discuss a nacho fry shortage, the sliding scale of Sierra Nevada freshness, MasterBeerMan, and a bold take on racism. There’s also a sort-of trivia game regarding buddy cop movies. Cool, bro?

Low ABV 100 – Westvleteren VIII

The story of this particular beer starts 10 years ago and thousands of miles away, so what a way to ring in our 100th episode. As the smaller companion to one of the most legendary Trappist beers made – Westvleteren XII – how does this one hold up with a decade on it? You’ll have to listen to find out! We also do double bad lead-up duty, try and recall just about anything from 2008, bring back the chain wallet, and pitch a show about Science Monks. Our sincerest gratitude goes out to all of our Patrons – we hope you’ve enjoyed these 100 small pours over the years, and we’ll keep doing them as long as you are here.

Low ABV 99 – Epic Tart N’ Juicy Sour IPA

As we ramp up our taste-buds for a full episode of locally made versions of one of the latest trends, we sip on this Epic beer that they’ve been making for two years. We’re on a mission to find the IPAness and understand what makes this a style at all. Then there’s some unsavory talk about the Mickeyverse that must be destroyed so my kids never hear this. Oh sheet.

Low ABV 98 – Saint Errant Wander On

Now running their small operation out of Begyle, the bad boyz of Saint Errant are now putting their sweet liquid in cans. We try their first canned offering, while – thank the planets – we blaze through a speed round of Beers Against Humanity. Does the promise of IPAness pay off? Who wants some Soup IPAs? And how about that Matt Dillon?

Low ABV 97 – Goose Island 30th Anniversary (w/Josh Noel)

Somewhat quietly, Goose has reached the age where it better start figuring out if having kids is really in the near future or not, just to like, have a plan. But they’ve brewed a collaboration with London’s Fuller’s Brewery and it’s either an ESB or a Pale Ale, depending on who you ask. We get an assist on this one from our friend and newly published author Josh Noel, who really just showed up to talk about music for 10 minutes (which we do). And then of course there are hazy IPA opinions because everything is boring. But count us in for the Pump Your Own Cask bar!

Low ABV 96 – Hoof Hearted Belloq

A brewery built on fart jokes, weird Adult Swim-esque art, and shameless nostalgia mining, Hoof Hearted really knows how to reveal our most basic white dudeness. But this coffee and vanilla stout is a cut above, and we sip on it between our forays into American Gladiators and video games, because again, we are dictionary definition 30-something white dudes. Also, Beer in Virtual Reality?!? Whaaaahaa?

Low ABV 95 – Two Saisons

Kicking off a big week in saisons on this episode, we have two classics of the style – one O.G. and one modern classic in Saison DuPont and Allagash Saison. Are they truly classics? Which beer will be MLTF? We take the Nestea plunge and try not to bloody the mix while we lament small pours, share bullshit pseudoscience on skunking, and learn that you can totally swear on NPR. There’s also some aggressive traffic reports with a Jewel-Osco tie-in and us fawning over Terry Crews some more.

Low ABV 94 – Fruitage

Rodenbach, will you be our Brodenbach? We open these dainty cans of delicious fruit beer from the wizards at Rodenbach, and we swoon a bit. We also talk about bad brewery names, the problem with the 3rd Amendment, and Ryan’s inability to pour his own beer. There’s also a very short game about the Descendents. Waffles and a Fruitage, please!

Low ABV 93 – Black IPAs

Okay okay okay, so I totally beefed it on the release timing for this one. But when you think about it, #420 is really a state of mind, you know? On this Low, we somehow have two Black IPAs (like it’s 2013 or something!) and we review them (sort of): New Glarus’ Black Top and Hop Butcher’s Good Ryes Wear Black. Then we talk about Craig’s Day High, the 1-800-Hot-Hops line, and play a game called, “Sublime Lyric or Weed Poem?”

Lost Episode #3 – Blueberry Pain

Recorded in January of 2017, this episode was buried for a multitude of reasons that are mostly related to our recording schedule, but perhaps it never came to light because of how profoundly disappointing the beers were. But it’s a rollicking good time as we suffer through five beers with blueberry, as you’ll hear us go on about bad songs, the Blue Man Group, the problems with brewing with blueberries, awful beer write-ups, the health benefits of blueberries, Craig’s revulsion towards water chestnuts, and some fun torture – all featuring Ook the Hairperson on keyboards! We hope you enjoy this way more than we did – and thank you again for your continued support.

Low ABV 91 – Half Acre Daisy Capra

If Half Acre puts out another variation on their classic Daisy Cutter, you know we have to drink it. But is this one any better than their usual killer hoppy offerings? We’ll tell you what we think, because that’s all we know how to be. Also, Craig is generally confused about the Dollar General, we get an update on whether or not Craig has had celery, and Ryan orchestrates a long-awaited sequel to the “Beer Carnac” game while laughing stupidly at all of his dumb mean jokes.

Best of Games, Volume 2

As you know, we like to get drunk and play stupid trivia games – and we sure hope you enjoy listening to them. We’ve compiled 6 more from a while back and strung them together here (in a slightly remastered state), so listen to us suck at more than just reviewing beer in this compact, 40-minute compilation! You’ll hear the following games: “Night of the Hunters/Name That Hunter” (Episode 91 w/Colin Joliat); “Beer Carnac” (Episode 98); “Name That Stone or Face” (Episode 111); “Nirvana or Not” (Episode 115); “NBA Jam Duos” (Episode 120); and “Lyrics by Decade” (Episode 128). Thanks for your support on Patreon! (And our Patrons can find Volume 1 here.)

Low ABV 90 – Orval

We’re kicking off Patron Appreciatron month by having what might be the first Trappist beer we’ve ever done on mic – and we do it in observance of Orval Day, sort of! This one in particular has been aged about 2 years, and it’s no disappointment. Other topics of note include: Craig’s shower mishaps, Randy Johnson exploding carrier pigeons, Lavar Burton is the Book Thief, Fruited DuPonts, barn-slapped leathers, and little Craig eating pennies.

Low ABV 89 – Table for Two

Welcome to the ABV Café – we have your table right this way. We’ll start you off with an amuse-bouche of Off Color’s Little Friend table beer and then an appetizer of Allagash’s Hoppy Table Beer. Our chef’s specials today include Stephen the Hawk King, Craig’s Tampon Confusion, some Dave Matthews Band Non-Knowledge, Offspring Hot Sauce, and a decadent dessert of some Dancing Mosher. Take some time to peruse the menu; I’ll be back with your table beers and a loose stack of saltines.

Low ABV 88 – Forbidden Root TORO!

What happens when we drink a 10% triple IPA after a night of recording? Well, for one, the sextuple IPA is born, and also, we are just fantastically sloshed. We are two inebriated bulls in a podcast china shop as we imagine how the Mosh lives large, talk about Pez, forget about the Rapsittie Street Kids, heap more undue praise upon Neil Breen, and have a just impossible time saying the words, “yoga pants.”

Low ABV 87 – Shortfuse Times Two

In the shadow of airplanes and convention centers, Shortfuse has been making beer in Schiller Park for almost a year. So is their take on a New England-style IPA – Loosey Juicy – worth consideration for your hazy addiction? We also try their challenging and surprising Judgemint Day Double IPA with mint added. Craig proves why he’s the king of the gross lead-up, Ryan tells a true tale of helping a priest and being mistaken for one, and we mourn Toby Keith’s I ♡ This Bar And Grill. We also invent the Toothpaste IPA™, Craig wants to eat soap, and Ryan is a complete idiot about physics. This one has it all, folks!

Low ABV 86 – Afterthought Bière De Pieces #3

Another Afterthought beer, another outstanding Saison that should be on the radar of the major farmhouse fiends all over the country. This one uses some crazy berries we’ve never heard of, so Craig goes one better and quizzes Ryan on lesser known berries (while we share our love for some better knows Barrys). We cultivate our basement yeast, rebrand food to be classier, and discuss our Saisonathon 2018 plan to again reunite the members of The State.

Low ABV 85 – A Middle Brow Cassingle

With two new beers from our favorite philanthropist brewers, we get an A-side and B-side from Middle Brow this week – but which one is which?!? We try the brett-blended “How It Starts” and the Denali-hopped “Sells Out” while talking about the only music that matters: trad ska. Also, we get sliced by chives, Craig talks about meeting Rick Bayless, one of us just wants a frog weed bowl, and we invent a genius marketing plan for Middle Brow, which they’ll have to begin a Patronage of us to hear. That’s not entrapment, is it?

Low ABV 84 – Jolt v. Surge

We did it. We crammed our love of childhood nostalgia and sugary soda into one dense and hyperactive Low ABV that also features a game that requires Craig to rename energy drinks. Behold brief tales of the anarchy pretzel, Rev Norb’s valuable SweetTart, and Dick Pitchfork. Gregory, it’s happening again.

Low ABV 83 – Helles Pils

Desperate for a break from all the roided-out flavors we do on these Lows, we reach for two that harken to simpler styles – the German-style Helles (Mikerphone Brewing’s Helles Lager My Old Friend) and the Pilsner (from Great Central Brewing). Of course one is dry-hopped to all hell(es), and the other is in a super sick wrapped can, but we still enjoy the change of pace. Also, there’s stuff about the Harmonica Wizard Corky Siegel, being trapped by The Mosh, and why drinking a lot of Mikerphone beers actually has a downside (that isn’t financial.) Thanks to Randy for the Helles (that he named)!  

Low ABV 82 – Triptych Silly Scotty

In their 5th Low ABV appearance, Triptych gets super silly with the cereal and tosses a bunch of (name brand redacted) into a New England IPA. We raise some interesting points about the logic behind throwing breakfast cereal in a beer, but we find out if the juice is worth the squeeze, whatever that means. And there’s some controversial thoughts about cats – please don’t tell Beer Twitter.

Low ABV 81 – Holy Mountain Montmorency Table

Listener Raj Shah comes through with another sweet Washington box – and this time it’s all Holy Mountain beers. As a precursor for the full episode (#210), we crack open a puncheon-aged table beer with cherries, and it only attacks a single esophagus on this Low – and not the one you’d expect. A lot of this episode is about beer tattoos and candy, specifically our ideal commemorative tats, Craig’s self-ban from Buy the Weigh stores, a review of the Jelly Belly factory, the pitfalls of eating packing peanuts, and of course, the Boss Baby.

Low ABV 80 – Triptych Because Stout

Recorded a few weeks back (as evidenced by the opening), we open yet another excellent Triptych beer for a Low ABV – this one a delectable stout with coconut and cinnamon. We also try to get a Neil Breen biographical movie going. Then there’s another just unfortunate Speed Round of Beers Against Humanity wherein we say things that make us uncomfortable – Ryan dominates, and Craig tries to dispute a Shaft. Because, stout.

Low ABV 79 – Very Special (Old Deth) Episode

This week on a very special Low ABV, the boys encounter Revolution’s Very Special Old Deth (in cans), and it leads to a little lesson about life – and love – that we could all stand to learn. We open up about the deeply emotional topics of attack gifts, session spirits, and hug semaphore – with a little game about “Very Special” episodes of early-90s family sitcoms thrown in for good measure. I’m glad we had this talk – bring it in, you old rascal, you.

Low ABV 78 – Revolution Heroes, Issue 3

With the freshest release of their League of Heroes twelve-packs, Revolution has introduced two new Heroes to their cadre of obscenely muscled hop-headed cartoon characters: Denali and Northwest! We try them both here, while getting some grandpa smells, revealing the ultimate beer review podcasting secret, and exploring a career in the drums. There’s also an Urban Dictionary-based game that most importantly introduces us to the world’s most precious prank.

Low ABV 77 – Hop Butcher Mirror Ball

It seems like since Hop Butcher has found a home at Mistakonic, their process has dialed in to the point of excellence, earning the lofty comparisons we heave upon them in this little episode. Or maybe we’re already a few beers deep, but that’s beside the point. There’s talk of unlikely Instagram followers, Herbal Essences (just the stuff), Disco trivia, and an unnervingly close call with a Craig freestyle.

Low ABV 76 – pFriem Twosome

An historical beer drop courtesy of our friends at pFriem Family Brewers out of Hood River, OR made this Low a little preview for an upcoming full-length show release, but this episode is in its own league. Meet three new hi-larious improv’d characters that will soon adorn the ABV Wiki Fanverse, be the talk of all those fan forums, and inspire many a future cosplay. And for once, Craig straight up humiliates Ryan with a spelling challenge as we obsess over these beautiful pFriem beers.

Low ABV 75 – 12 Pack Holiday Hits

Usually before the season’s first proper snowfall, you see two beloved hoppy (sort of) seasonals return in their stubby-bottled 12-pack glory: Sierra Nevada’s Celebration and Lagunitas’ Sucks. We drink both critically for the first time in forever to determine who is winning the flavor-per-dollar-per-ounce battle. We also talk a lot about CostCo and Teku glasses, and offend everyone who wears sandals. Happy Holidays Patreon supporters! There’s more cool stuff to come – we promise.

Low ABV 74 – Mikerphone Girls Just Wanna Have Flan

As far as musical pun-based beers go, this golden stout is a cut above some of the other more sweet pastry numbers entering the market. We talk about other weird adjuncts and try to invent the Chicago dog beer, while Ryan becomes Cool BMX Dad; we take shots at our rival podcast; and Craig gets his Telenovela IQ tested. (Big thanks to Randy for this beer!)

Low ABV 73 – Corridor Van Hazen

Might as well jump off the hazy IPA fad for a little bit, as there is no eruption – right now – when it comes to being hot for that juice. Panama. What we mean is that this beer is barely a beer, and we are conflicted over it, so we talk about grocery stores, P. Diddy, and sushi for a while instead. But we also wonder if the NE-style popularity will ever die off, and if so, what will cause it? Dance the night away, as you do.

Low ABV 72 – Tree House Ma

Sweet adult Jesus, this episode is sacrilegious as hell as we review a non-hoppy feature from Tree House and discuss what Jesus actually weighs. We also practice the timeless lead-up, discuss Carmen Sandiego, invent the newest NE-style beer, and play a rappin’ granny-based trivia game. Thanks Ross – and thanks JAY-zus!

Low ABV 71 – Shared Backpack Fashion Show

We do our little turn on the catwalk with a can of Shared’s Backpack Fashion Show, a triple dry-hopped Double IPA. Between rounds of verbal fruit volleyball, we talk about expensive hops, pull into Port Manteau, confuse Balaclavas and Baklava, and play a fashion-forward game of “Go or Faux?” One strap or two, we won’t judge you.

Low ABV 70 – Speciation Genetic Drift

What could’ve been a disastrous opener from Craig turns into a charming little anecdote about 8th grade Ryan, so we start there. But we also drink a dry-hopped saison from Mitch Ermatinger’s Speciation Artisan Ales out of Michigan. The Haizon is born; we talk Ghostbuster Goo; and rehash a few old FoBAB memories. We hope you’re keeping stats on this one.

Low ABV 69 – Hop Butcher Love

For this extra nice episode, we have two Hop Butcher DIPAs that prove to be very attentive and generous lovers. It gets reeealll zangy in here, as we talk about why breweries should put yeast on labels, signature burps, fruit stew, ‘YeTales, and our favorite member of Korn. Nice.

Low ABV 68 – Goose Island Juicy Double

A round thing in your face, this Low ABV sees us sampling from a growler of Goose Island’s attempt at a juicy double IPA and having a serious talk about why it might not be beneficial for Big Beer to get into the New England-style IPA game. Also, we’re about six IPAs deep at the start of this one, and we play a game based on the lyrics to “One Week” because we are basic internet dorks, and we regale you with tales of playing games with pseudo-celebs. Thanks for being a part of the Cream Team!

Low ABV 67 – Black Butte XXV

We love when a dusty cellar grab with no expectations turns out to be an excellent beer, so this Deschutes Black Butte XXV (from 2013) makes for a joyful Low ABV. As our fourth and final installment of our Game Night series, we drunkenly play a speed round of Beers Against Humanity that just brings out the absolute worst in all of us. But we also talk about hugs, so that’s neat.

Low ABV 66 – Pipeworks Passion Fruit Guppy

This passion fruit-flavored session IPA is the latest addition to the regular canned offerings from Pipeworks – another low ABV take on their hops and honey fish series. And in some ways it really works, and in other ways it doesn’t. We also talk about the Rule 34 of the beer world, Chicken Pot Pie Hero, the next freshness revolution, and work on our gleeking.

Low ABV 65 – Berliner Off

Craig’s two favorite fruited Berliner Weisse beers are on the table here, as we try and choose the best between Off Color’s Yuzu Fierce and Triptych’s These Aren’t The Bluberries You’re Looking For. We find out what FMB really means, sell our souls, and discuss whether or not sours missed their day. And as part three in our Game Night series, we participate in the Great German Draft, which is a must listen if you like basketball and history!

Low ABV 64 – Toasted Heat Test

In a very special two-part Low ABV episode, we are divided by tragic circumstance, only to be reunited and realize that some ships never sink….like the friend ship. We try two Revolution Fist City Pale Ales, one that was left out in a hot ass garage overnight, and one that was properly stored. It’s science, baby. Then because that wasn’t enough content, we open AB’s own Blue Point Toasted Lager, which gets us to reminisce on silly 90’s shit, so, it’s another episode of our show. Get ready for that 5.5.

Low ABV 63 – Coffee & Cream

In part two of our Game Night series, Craig is tasked with determining which food items are “better together” – and everyone knows that Craig is a big old stinkin’ foodie. For the beers here, we have Sun King’s Sunlight Cream Ale and Untitled Art’s Coffee Stout – then we blend them together because OF COURSE. We also discuss the Great Jolt Vs. Surge Wars, Trent Reznor’s kids, snack time expertise, and the grossest use for a beer can we’ve imagined so far.

Low ABV 62 – Sell Out Geezer

Pretty simply, we had two hazy IPAs and needed an excuse to drink them together, so we sort-of pit a Middle Brow Sells Out Mosaic against a WarPigs Foggy Geezer because we CAN. But this Low ABV becomes a vessel for our sensual font talk and WingDings obsession, sandwiched between a shocking Sonic revelation and a cliffhanger fashion faux pas.

Low ABV 61 – Narrow Gauge DDH OJ Run

In part one of an ongoing Game Night series – in which Ryan tortured Craig with several games over several Low ABVs recorded together in one night – Craig admittedly crushes this one with his knowledge of important 90s history, though it’s not what you expect. We also crush this delicious hazy beer, and really just run wild with the toilet humor, which we are sincerely sorry about. We also talk about traumatic childhood movies and how we’ll get 311 on our podcast.

Lost Episode #2 – Face/Off

One of the first few episodes we ever recorded – back in the winter of 2013 – has long been relegated to the archives due to less-than-stellar sound quality. This “remastered” version improves it significantly, and it ends up being an interesting show – notable for Ryan’s first Toppling Goliath experience, and our unapologetic fawning over Pseudo Sue makes for some nice beer nostalgia. The show concept involved comparing two beers of the same (or very similar) styles, and choosing a winner, then painstakingly ranking them at the end. There are a few surprises, including our first ever recorded experience with a truly horrendous tasting beer. Check it out – and thanks for your continued Patronage! 

Beer matchups:

Founders Backwoods Bastard vs. Central Waters Barrel Aged Scotch Ale

Odd Sides Citra Pale Ale vs. Toppling Goliath Pseudo Sue

Brewery Vivant Tart Side of the Moon vs. The Bruery Tart of Darkness

Lindemans Gueuze Cuvée René vs. Drie Fonteinen Oude Geuze

Low ABV 60 – Garage Project Cherry Bomb

How many beers in the world have been named Cherry Bomb? Well, we will tell you, but we’ll also tell you about how fantastic this particular one is. We also share a snippet of Craig’s interview of Pete Gillespie, whom we refer to as Jeff many, many times because we are dolts. There’s also a bit of uninformed WWE talk, which reminds me of that time in 1998 when the Undertaker threw Mankind off the Hell in the Cell into the Spanish announcers’ table.

Low ABV 59 – Afterthought Saison Avec Apricots

Every experience from Lombard’s Afterthought has proven that there is a lot to get excited about for fans of saisons and barrel-aged sours, and this beer is no exception. I wish I could say the conversation ended there, but let me just say this in warning: if the word “pubes” gives you the willies, maybe stay away from the beginning and end of this one. We also talk about our favorite dwindling fast food chains, Craig’s molting habits, and ALF: The Brewery. Get it, Pubey!

Low ABV 58 – Haymarket Speakerswagon Pils & Atomic PB&Js

haymarket pils

We recorded this one late after a night of drinking, so we break out the sandwiches as some way-too-seriously controlled experiment with Ryan’s greatest simple culinary invention and then pair those with the newly-canned Haymarket Pils. We also talk about the worst possible baseball walk-up songs, and Ryan tries hard to convert Craig into being more of a “jelly guy.” There he go. There he go. There he go. There he go.

Low ABV 57 – Hop Butcher’s Two Flat

This week we’re renting out some mouthspace in Hop Butcher’s Two Flat – an American Pale Ale with Amarillo and Idaho 7 hops (which Craig will proudly remind you that he helped out with in the canning process). We also try to pick some bands for our imaginary and currently untitled ABV Music Fest and talk about Craig’s g-ma’s summer sausage fixation. And surprise – everyone gets a bike!

Low ABV 56 – Bud vs. MGD, Blind (featuring Yuengling!)

What started out as a lousy idea for a blind tasting that Ryan ruins instantly turns into a full episode’s worth of diversions and 80s pop culture references that makes this maybe our favorite Low ABV. We will tell you which beer behemoth we prefer and then salvage our palates with a little Yunegling Lager. But then it becomes about Indiana, OzzFest, the very specific moment tattoos jumped the shark, eating styrofoam, Johnny Beerseed, Spuds Mackenzie, and the nefarious plot to clone The Noid. Is this what prison is like?

Low ABV 55 – The Heroes, Issue #2

Revolution Brewing has dropped another “Issue” in their $18 League of Heroes 12-pack series, featuring all variations on some form of their essential Anti-Hero – and here we catch up with the new members, Tropic Hero and Crystal Hero. We wonder if both beers are Cousin Olivers, live that Bodhi life, and trash the terrible X-Men. You won’t BELIEVE how Craig ends this episode.

Low ABV 54 – Toppling Goliath XHops Teal

The nerdiest beer nerds were certainly aghast when a Toppling Goliath bomber arrived in Chicagoland with all ready to soak up the sweet Decorah nectar. Does this topple the somewhat disappointing quality of the contract-brewed canned offerings they’ve shipped out here all old as hell? Find out – and more! Topics include the True Summer Craig, the Real Double Dare, and some super Juicy Jorts. Also, what colors are not OK in beer? The results will SHOCK you.

Low ABV 53 – Narrow Gauge Hoppy Meal

This computer-recorded internet-broadcasted collection of mouth sounds features a hand-crowlered hazy treat from Narrow Gauge. But this one will probably go down for being the one about framing Waluigi for sex crimes and the tenuously-explained conspiracy that Mario predicted the current political….situation. Go ahead and tape yourself up for a round of Edward Crowlerhands, and take a listen!

Low ABV 52 – Green Bench/Cigar City Backpack

Craig’s f*** up turns into our good luck as we pop this fridge-aged 100% Brettanomyces-fermented pale ale collaboration from a couple of well-loved Florida breweries. Gushy is in the house (looking good these days, by the way), and we rewrite the Pina Colada song for the 21st century, consider changing the vessel for beers in flavorific ways, get lost in the Oculus Rift, and try to formulate some sort of takeaway.

Low ABV 51 – Carton Caffé Corretto

File this one under “Odd Ingredients, Unexpected Results” as we crack open a 12% ABV imperial cream ale with fennel, anise, and licorice from New Jersey’s Carton Brewing. (Thanks to listener Mike Bobal for sending this one!) Other topics of note include judgemental cars, Coke or Pepsi? (finally), calculator hackers, Summer Craig’s vehicle of choice, LFO, autotuning, and some real pervo stuff.

Low ABV 50 – Beer Hates Astronauts Revisited

For the big Low 5-0, we revisit a favorite re-release from Half Acre, their Citra & Vienna SMaSH IPA that has something to do with a comic book. We also throwback to our first review of an early batch of this beer about three years ago, and find out how scarily prophetic we truly were. There’s also some talk of Deloreans, service desk beers, and mule shaving. Thanks for your continued support Patreon patrons!

Low ABV 49 – On Tour Low Boy

We almost missed maibock season yet again, but we get into the spirit the best we can with On Tour Brewing’s Low Boy – a tasty, crisp, and toasty maibock. But we also talk about Junior Spivey, out-of-control teens, our pyramid scheme, Craig’s yacht, and the most ridiculous thing in beer trading. Also, we make a good case for why the crowler is the best beer invention to come around for a long time.

Low ABV 48 – Spotted Cows

An old twist on the gateway classic, Spotted Cow Grand Cru is New Glarus’ attempt at amplifying perfection, so we take a go at it alongside a bottle of the original Spotted Cow. Craig talks about his rental car, the true meaning behind “Whoomp! There It Is” in the glorious year of 19Ryan3, and we talk about deconstructing beers.

Low ABV 47 – Bearded Iris Scatterbrain

We’re really inspired by the name of this beer as we go in many random directions whilst enjoying this Bearded Iris Scatterbrain IPA sent to us by Matt Milam. There’s a shout-out to our most-frequent e-mailer, that juicy thick look, the LoMaNoMa clarion call, and Mrs. Batfire.

Low ABV 46 – Wicked Weed Brett Tyranny

The beer world has been nervously awaiting our official statements on the Wicked Weed buyout, so we get on our high horses who then climb atop two horse-sized soap boxes, and we take you through our reflective periods of rage and bewilderment whilst concluding absolutely nothing. And this beer is an excuseless abomination of aging gone wrong, so we get to riff on that a while. And there’s Ryan’s 3-Tier beer buying system, and Craig’s disbelief about the Trader Joe’s hidden animal game.

Low ABV 45 – Pizza Boy Hampden IPA

We had some leftover Pizza Boy from our episode, and we were happy to try this IPA named after the township they call home. Craig’s mind is on high creamy alert; we discuss the time zone/T-shirt size conversion; Ryan overcharges his dad card; and we measure our BPMs. Also, Craig makes a noise I’ve never heard come out of a human before – stay tuned to the end to find out which one!

Low ABV 44 – Hoof Hearted ….Best Fwendz

hoof hearted

A delicious hoppy beer with the best label Ryan has ever seen, Hoof Hearted makes our dreams come true, woo ooh, ooh, ooh, woo ooh. We give you the ultimate Hall & Oates pneumonic, Robitussin lambic, and a preview of Craig in prison. There’s also this race horse name game that gets kind of dark and gross. I can’t go for that, no-oh.

Low ABV 43 – Brew Gentlemen Albatross

Oddly appropriate for the 4/20 release date, looking into this beer is like walking through a clambaked dorm room. Or a glass of melted butter. Or a pineapple milk cocktail. We’re a bit obsessed with how interesting this one looks – but do we like the way it tastes? Find out in this inconclusive Low ABV! There’s also stuff about Wood Fridays, session BA stouts, wasted dad cards, mutey fruities, and dumb assholes on Untappd. One Fruit Machete, please!

Low ABV 42 – Stone Mint Coffee Milk Stout

After reviewing a recent rash of not-so-impressive Stone beers, we give them another chance because this is a $5 bomber. And it’s pretty good! But Craig’s brain is definitely broken on this one, yet we still manage to talk about eating American flags in protest, how Ryan sacrificed his Quick Chop™ for this show, and – of course – candy.

Low ABV 41 – Cruz Blanca el Train

The second bottled release from Cruz Blanca Cerveceria, this big American IPA features a loco amount of Citra, Mosaic, and Simcoe hops. It makes us very hungry for Cruz Blanca food, which we talk about at length. There’s also plans for Craig’s Leaden With Zelda podcast and Cool Water-scented edibles. But this episode will likely go down as The One About the Body Rap. Body body. Rap raprap.

Low ABV 40 – Just Peachy

Two beers are on the table for this one, Sierra Nevada’s Peach IPA and Odell’s Tree Shaker Imperial IPA with peaches, courtesy of Ryan’s mixed 12-pack addiction. One is a welcome addition to the orchard, and the other is….okay. We also talk about bad label copy, competitive eating, #fartwoke, and a bunch of font nerdery. It’s the pits! (Get it?!??!)

Low ABV 39 – Transient & Mikerphone Exsqueeze Me

Exqueese Me

Bring your toothbrush, your toothpaste, and a flannel for your face, because we’re going to squeeze some content out of this juicy collab. East Coast Ed is with us as we yammer on about public domain songs, XRT, Craig’s vet dentist, and a time before happy birthday. OPA!

Low ABV 38 – Cookie Dough Beer

The Number One Craft Beer Podcast For Fat Kids© delivers yet again by opening the collaboration between Ben & Jerrys and New Belgium, their Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ale. But of course we have the ice cream as well, resulting in a surprising beer float. This triple extra large show also has a bunch of talk about weed and candy, and then there’s a game about Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavors. Eat away your feelings with us.

Low ABV 37 – Noon Whistle Magie Noire

Style lines are heavily blurred with this Mosaic-hopped black saison from Noon Whistle, but we are clear as day with our appreciation of it. Craig drops the best session beer name, Ryan wants to get oily, and we rekindle our flame for Cascadian dark ales. Also, we’re totally serious about that Whirlyball idea. Hit us up!

Low ABV 36 – BCBCS 2012

This dusty cellar grab is not exactly bursting with coffee flavor, but it is still a Bourbon County stout at its core, so it is still a syrupy throat-coating pleasure. And just like that last sentence, things suddenly turn way gross on this episode. We also take a cookie break and do a little blending experiment.

Low ABV 35 – Stone Chocolate Coffee Enjoy By 2.14.17

Our tribute to lovers for Valentine’s Day is the two of us sensually drinking this putrid-smelling IPA thing from Stone. Most importantly, we have definitive proof that Craig was drunk in a Whole Foods, and we learn the one very important rule at Craig’s Brothel.

Low ABV 34 – Transient Radleresque (with grapefruit and ginger)

Well, we certainly have a type. It’s yet another Transient beer: this one an unexpectedly bombastic radler. In this short installment, we are like a well-oiled machine of alternating beer reviews and yuk-em-ups, mixed in with some esophageal screaming and a touch of tick talk. Fix yourself a bowl of sour milky nuggets and get ready for a mouth-puckering good time.

Low ABV 33 – Triptych AJ’s Stout

Ryan enacts the Dadcast with this barrel-aged ode-to-fatherhood stout, but that also goes off the rails into things like 1-800-Hoplines, the Tingleverse, liquid Rolos, and a luge in your mouth. There’s also an update on some Triptych stuff, including a possible Chicago presence. But then Craig affectionately uses the term “dumb shit beers” and Ryan plays God with BA Stoutgueuze.

Low ABV 32 – De Garde Black Raz Bu

From our experience, De Garde’s Berliners have the potential to be the most complex yet refined around, or an all-out assault on your esophagus. This one is the latter as we are straight up Shaq-attacked by acid. We also discuss the Mandela effect, blending experiments, and Ryan’s drunkest moments.

Low ABV 31 – The Juice Is Loose

Our old friends at Transient take on the New England-style DIPA trend with this highly-desired juicy brew, and we review it the day it was canned. But we also talk about words that make us feel good, retired slogans, O.J. Simpson, Craig’s porn secret, Sunny D, and a shocking Chicago brewing conspiracy theory. The taste is gonna move ya!™

Low ABV 30 – One Azacca, Two Azacca

Brewers are always searching for the next big thing in hops, and maybe they’ve found it in this relatively new American dwarf hop called Azacca. So we try two beers that feature it prominently: Founders’ Azacca IPA and Hop Butcher’s Mellotron DIPA. We actually learn a little on this one, but there’s tons of diversions including rollerskating and Photon memories, Kirby’s Big A, predatory pricing, the chunk factor, and where the magic actually happens.

Low ABV 29 – Peppermint Milkstachio

So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another beer older, and the peppermint’s…not……fun. Well golly, we size up this here peppermint version of Hop Butcher & DryHop’s Milkstachio and talk about Craig’s worries for the youth of today, how Pentatonix saved Christmas, hand growlering in public, and our one holiday beer wish. Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas! Now go work off that cookie weight!

Best of Games, Volume 1

Once every few episodes, we like to test our trivial knowledge on topics that are only tangentially related to beer. This collection features games from our first year or so of episodes, and you’ll hear “Jam Band or Flim Flam?”, “Name that Biblical Figure & A Celebrity”, “Who said it: Phyllis Schlafly or Nelly?”, “Founding Fathers Trivia”, “Name That Russian”, and “Real Dark Horse Beer or Something Ryan Made Up?”

Low ABV 28 – Trillium Citra Cutting Tiles

We ready our Trillium chubbies for another hopsterpiece™ but find this one falling a bit short of our admittedly high expectations. We raise awareness of ESS, tell tales of grapefruit, envision a nightmarish future, and wonder, why stop at double-dry hopping? Like, really?

Low ABV 27 – Miller High Life/Off Color Eeek!

The line between craft and macro has OFFICIALLY been crossed by this beer, as the unlikely bedfellows of Off Color and MillerCoorsTrumpCo collaborate to bring us a surprisingly awesome tart wild ale. But mostly this episode is about Mr. Belvedere and that time he sat on his own balls. Who cares?

Low ABV 26 – Triptych Dank Meme

We know from Episode 141 that Triptych does some badass beers, but how do they fare in the Eastern Seaboard-inspired juicy pale ale territory? We find out! Ryan flexes his pitiful self-righteous muscle, Craig talks a lot about dumb memes, and we wonder why all the flocculation hate. I miss malt.

Low ABV 25 – Coffee Pales

This one could be subtitled “Craig doesn’t know” as in “,,,what he wants”; “…the difference between light and dark roasts”, “…why Rosa Parks is standing”; “…how to act in a Dunkin’ Donuts” and so on.  For our reviews, we drink Founders’ Pale Joe and Maplewood’s Guatemalan Bam Bam – both supposedly coffee pale ales. And Ryan gets to try out his new pervy voice. Gross.

Lost Episode #1 – BCBS 2013

Intended to be Episode #1, this long-eluded-to show is a disastrous and entertaining look at our earliest days, while we drank one of the best BCBS horizontals of any year. Hear the Proprietors incident that nearly ended the show before it was born (at around the 44 minute mark). Experience our weakass mic discipline. Listen to the tales of Black Friday 2013. Feel the male moaning. Tremendous thanks to all of our Patreon Patrons, have a happy Thanksgiving, and good luck out there on Friday.*Recorded November 30th, 2013

Low ABV 23 – PC Pils

Craig’s mistake is our listeners’ gain, as it’s just Ryan and MC Johnsen on this show with a little golden hoppy pils from Founders. We talk a lot about beards and spicy beers. And spicy beards. It gets pretty crazy, perfectly conversational, pleasantly comical, passively critical, partially chocolate, patronizingly creamy, perpetually cantankerous, and preposterously captivating.

Low ABV 22 – Dangerous Man Chocolate Milk Stout

It’s another beer from Jeb as he gave us a growler of a chocolate milk stout from Minneapolis’ Dangerous Man Brewery, and we Jackie-Chan this episode by using no stunt doubles. There are hissing cockroaches, extreme Microsoft Office, a game of “Is That Mold?”, a Prop. proposal, Charlie Papazian trash talk, and some singing that takes us way off the rails. Did I mention that we drink and review the beer too? No? Well, we do.

Low ABV 21 – Hop Butcher Paris on the Prairie

Hop Butcher’s saison is anything but traditional: hopped with Nelson Sauvin and then sweetened up with some lavender honey. We review this after having recorded an episode of the regular show, so naturally, Craig babbles on about his 19 steps from Everclear to Katy Perry. We also talk the genius behind Hop Butcher’s labels, bomber fatigue, and Chicago nicknames. #drinkbroke

Low ABV 20 – Bent Paddle Venture Pils & Hop Forest

Listener Jeb hooked us up with some pocket beers from Duluth, MN’s Bent Paddle brewing, and we drink them. There’s a lot of cereal talk with quality control problems, dreams of crunchberry trees, and Ryan admitting he has a cereal problem. And to really solidify our childishness, we end by talking about burps and farts.

Low ABV 19 – Revolution Mosaic Hero

There’s an odd bitterness on this one – in the beer’s taste and our salty conversation! It’s another Hero beer from Revolution, but this time with the super-sexy Mosaic hop leading the charge. We explain why we’re not big in Japan, wonder where all the good beer stores have gone, summon Garfield again, and finally provide our opinion on Ben Folds. Also, we talk a bit about Marion St. Cheese Market – rest in peace, sweet prince.

Low ABV 18 – Old Style Oktoberfest

We’re dealing out audio sauerkraut to all you seasonal creeps, with a side of dog-fermented beer and warm jerky. Old Style hasn’t released a new recipe in 15 years, and this throw-back Oktoberfest is a “limited” release – limited for a Pabst property, at least. Find out if you should go pick up a cube. There’s time to kill before the Slimer-only edit.

Low ABV 17 – New Glarus Bubbler

New Glarus’ Bubbler is an open-fermented hefeweiss, and like everything they do, it’s perfection. We tell the story of the Bubbler, but then just go on about mystic Tootsie Pop wrappers, aged labels, Limburger pairings, and the quality of Woodman’s. If it’s good enough for Lafler…

Low ABV 16 – Mikerphone Get Fresh Flow

Another delicious hoppy Mikerphone beer? That’s not surprising. What IS surprising is how we talk a lot about Sunny D and head goo, try and fail at naming some Beach Boys beers, and tell a story about my boi Peter Gabriel and a pizza delivery driver.

Low ABV 15 – Creature Comforts Athena

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting throught the wind, wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin like a house of cards, one blow from caving in? Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under scream but no one seems to hear a thing? Do you know that there’s still a chance for you ‘cause there’s a spark in you. You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just own the night like the Fourth of July. ‘Cause baby you’re a firework! Come on show ’em what you’re worth. Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!” as you shoot across the sky-y-y.

Low ABV 14 – BA Kopi Luwak Speedway

After three years in a box, Ryan finally finds an occasion to open this massive beer and it does not disappoint. We review the 2013 Barrel Aged Kopi Luwak Speedway Stout from AleSmith (*gasping breath*) in all its lusciousness. Pour yourself a room temperature stout and settle in for a story about Ryan’s first and last beer smuggling experience.

Low ABV 13 – Master Shredder

Thanks to Richmond, VA’s The Veil Brewing for the naming choice on this beer, as it just opens the door for a hell of a lot of TMNT and video game talk. We try to recast April O’Neil, wonder if all turtles are buff, and discuss the potential for Krang & Shredder slashfic. There’s also another stunning revelation about Craig’s food ignorance. And I guess we talk about the beer?

Low ABV 12 – Beer Camp Sample

Earlier this summer, Sierra Nevada dropped this $40 12-pack gangbang, and we popped open two beers featuring collaborative input from Half Acre, Dark Horse, Odell, Melvin, and Perennial, just to name a few. But does it really matter? We also talk about rained-soaked cakes, stupid beer cost math, and hop burritos.

Low ABV 11 – Falsa Noctus

We got this old black saison from Brooklyn’s Other Half for this Low ABV, and it’s kind of underwhelming. But never have you heard such talk of Vocaloids, tantric Sting, Shannon Tweed, scrambled porn, Craig’s hatred of geometrical lines, and another diss on Byron Allen. WHO WILL UNLEASH THE COMICS NOW, BY-RON?

Low ABV 10 – Moody Tongue BA Chocolate Barleywine

It’s so crazy, it just has to work! This delectable chocolate treat is our guest of honor on this Low ABV, and we treat it to a night of straight Hoobastank. We talk about the beer’s origin story, hideous mutations, Cadbury mini-eggs (for the hundredth time), living with the Pizzle, and smugglin’ Craig.

Low ABV 9 – Mtn Dew Black Label

What happens when extreme…grows up? We review a “crafted berry soda” on this show, because we kind of thought it was beer. Little does Ryan know that he becomes the enabler as Craig relives his Mountain Dew addiction period, and we all reflect a little bit about this silly little thing called LIFE.

Low ABV 8 – Tocayo 

I mean, how comfortable are linen pants? This topic, and more, on this Low ABV, possibly the drunkest one we’ve ever recorded. We drink Rick Bayless’ new corporate beerjuice Tocayo, and hey, it’s pretty good. We get excited about Cruz Blanca, fantasize about tacos, and finish toucans to completion. 

Low ABV 7 – Boom Sauce

MC Johnsen brought this Lord Hobo Boom Sauce back for us to taste, and we all do that for a portion of this recording. Mostly we talk about movie trailer nü metal bands, Batman onomatopoeia, and Mountain Dew addiction. But this is the episode that will forever be remembered as the one where Craig tells a story about eating a 27-inch hot dog. It’s everything you dreamed it would be. Stand by your papaya.

Low ABV 6 – Alfalfa Kang

Off Color, 3 Floyds, and Wiseacre got together to make a decent pale ale and then threw in some alfalfa for questionable results. Craig’s kidney rejects from his body, we talk about drinking from unclean lines, and there’s a whole lot of food talk.

Low ABV 5 – GFY Coffee

Chicago’s own Spiteful makes killer beers – this isn’t exactly one of them. But it’s ok, because it allows us to read label babble, misinterpret “on fleek”, predict the future, and put everything on someone’s ass. We also crinkle our previously smooth continuity and reveal that we were left behind. Gestate foreign yolks. Grab Frieda’s yerba. Guess Felix’s yearnings. Gravitate forever, Yanni.

Low ABV 4 – Tuesday

Listener and Patron Danny Pauley hooked us up with a Cycle Brewing Tuesday – a brewery-only “garbage” stout. It’s not garbage. But our mouths are garbage, as we take on broom handles, Nestle Quikheads, identical food orders, logic puzzles, and Dennis’ semen book. I’m turning this into poop.

Low ABV 3 – Becoming

The Rare Barrel’s beers cost a goddamn fortune, and we’re opening one for you, Patreon Patrons! Becoming is a blended barrel-aged golden sour with boysenberries, and we keep waiting for it to become…better? But then there’s all this shit about hidden tracks, Aaron Sorkin, RuPaul, and beerfest beers. And it all ends with another classic Craig fadeout.

Low ABV 2 – Buckledown Clencher DIPA

We crack a fresh can of the Citra-forward Clencher DIPA from local Lyons brewer Buckledown and give it the ol’ review treatment. Also there’s Jeopardy tidbits, mac n’ cheese beers, SMaSH desires, a questionable Revolution, and some 90’s alternative rock radio karaoke.

Low ABV 1 – Take Two Pils 

It’s a Pils showdown on our first Patreon exclusive episode, as we pit two new “Chicago” pilsners against each other with the locally-brewed Rev Pils from Revolution taking on the AB plant-manufactured Four Star Pils from Goose Island. We get raw from the get-go, swing some hammers, and confess to our macro love. Thanks to our Patrons – we hope you enjoy!